buttons

My son buttoned his pajamas wrong. One button off, all the way down his shirt front. I lean down to fix it, and in the space of time it takes to straighten things out, I am overpowered with all the moments that have led to this one.

My surprise at discovering I was pregnant. Feeling scared and hopeful and completely inadequate.

The tiniest nose, the tiniest toes. The biggest, wildest love I have ever felt nearly breaking my heart with its weight.

Words and thoughts and discovering a friend. A friend who is the kindest person I have ever met. A friend and a son and a gift.

Milestones and holidays and birthdays. Cakes and cookies and cupcakes. So many celebrations and not enough for this little boy.

And buttons. A thousand little moments of shoelaces and zippers and buttons. These buttons that just about melt me into the floor. Maybe you’ve loved someone this much. Maybe you get it. The big highlights are great. But the buttons? Oh, the buttons.